In desperate need of magic…

So, as I posted before, about 2 months ago, we had to put our Mocha dog down.  It’s been very hard to get over, but I’m trying.  About 2 weeks after that, Sprinkle, our other dachshund had seizures.  After spending the night in the doggie ER, she’s seems to be ok.  She has to be on phenobarbitol but appears that she is ok.  We had been looking at some rescue leagues to adopt another dog, but we weren’t having success.  Finally, we found a great dog at animal care and control.  He was a dachshund/terrier mix.  He spent a week with us and we did everything we could for him.  He went back to get staples out due to two surgeries he had just had (hernia and neutered), he began a de-worming process and got his shots.  Apparently it was too much for him, and within a few hours, he was not doing well.  While taking him to the doggie ER, he passed away in the car.  We were told he might’ve had canine flu.  Needless to say, we are crushed.  The kids are doing ok, but I am a wreck!  I am simply heartbroken.  He was an amazing dog; he was 3, knew basic commands, was housebroken, and a mush!  I am trying so hard to deal with this and move on, but I am stuck.  I feel horrible and like there’s nothing sweet and magical in the world.  I know this is not the truth, and that there is, I am just having a hard time finding it right now.  We want to get another dog, but I am a bit nervous to say the least.  We have to go to the vet tomorrow for Sprinkle as we are treating her for canine flu to be on the safe side.  We are going to speak with the vet to see what we can do to hopefully not have this happen again.  I am hoping at this time of year that I might be able to find some magic …I am in desperate need of it. ….

My Mocha Dog

My Mocha dog….last Friday we had to put her down. I’m still a wreck over this. Lets go back to the beginning….Back in spring of 1998, one of our friends called us. She knew we already had a dacshund (Sandy) and that we loved the breed. A friend of hers knew a breeder that had sold some doxie puppies a few months before, and got wind that the puppies were not being taken care of and had been abused. Of course, we got a new dog that week! (Even though we weren’t really looking for one). Mocha was very skittish, nervous, anxiety filled, energetic, and a wee bit crazy….no seriously, the dog had baggage. I spent many, many hours building up love and trust with that dog. So many weekends laying with her (sometimes half way in the kennel with her, just so she would come to know it as a safe place and not associate it with abuse). We bonded, she was my buddy, my shadow. I couldn’t go anywhere without her following, not even the bathroom. When the kids were born, she used to come with me for midnight feedings. She accepted them as if they were hers. She would lay with them and tolerated them so well when they were babies and toddlers. They were part of the pack. Mocha acted like a puppy well into her senior days. Even until the end; a few days before she left us, she was telling us off…again, by barking at us…check out this video I posted on YouTube about 5 years ago when she was 10

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Alp5vyozgok

As you can see, she had no problem speaking her mind! She also loved a good stuffed dog toy; she could rip it apart in less than 2 minutes, even those ones that claimed to have a no de-stuffing guarantee. Mocha was my baby before my babies were born; she came to me at a time that I needed something in my life. We had only been married for about 6 months, and I had also lost my dad about 6 months before. I know that she was given to me for a reason. She was my buddy, for better or for worse. Even when we brought Sprinkle in, she tolerated her. Our other doxie died unexpectely. We waited a few months before getting another dog, and decided on another doxie, with Andrew in mind. We knew we were going to try to get pregnant again and wanted Andrew to have a buddy. Lo and behold, we got a Sprinkle dog (she’s the other dog in the video).

About a year ago, we noticed Mocha was losing weight. We weren’t too concerned, as she had always gone back and forth with her weight. Back in the spring, she started to have trouble breathing. We brought her into the vet, who ran some tests on her. They couldn’t find anything wrong with her without doing more invasive tests; which we didn’t want to do. She was 14, we just wanted to keep her comfortable. They gave us some medicine to help her breathe. It worked until mid August. We brought her back in, and the vet confirmed that there really wasn’t more we could do for her but to keep her comfortable. We brought her home, waiting for her to tell us when it was time. Sadly, that day came too soon. We scheduled the appointment the day before. The night before was horrible for me. I was a wreck. But, I had to bring Andrew to open house at his new school. It was hard to be “put together” while meeting his teachers. When we were getting back into the car, I dropped my phone and shattered the glass (thanks insurance for the replacement!).

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep much that night. I snuggled with her and cried most of the night. The next morning, I spent a little extra time snuggling with her. I would’ve loved to stay home, but one of my employees called in sick, so I had to go to the office that day. I tried to make a clean getaway that morning. She was on my pillow on the bed, and I gave her a last hug and kiss. I told her that when she got to the Rainbow Bridge, she had to send me a sign that she was ok. I told her to leave some random stuffing somewhere and I would know she was good. I tried to leave then, but she jumped off the bed and saw me walking out the door. It was a very difficult day. I tried really hard to keep it together at the office that day, but….anyone who was there will tell you I failed miserably. When Nate called me to tell me it was done, I lost it again. Telling the kids was no picnic either. They are taking it ok; I’m a wreck.

She was my buddy, my shadow, my confidant. I can’t stop being sad. I know with time I will feel better, I just wish it would be here already. Going to sleep at night is the worst….along with walking in the door and not seeing her, and waking up in the morning and not having her to snuggle with. Driving home from the Dolphins/Jets game this past Sunday, I was looking out the window. For about a 200 foot strech on the side of I-95, there was random couch stuffing….just sitting there on the side of the road, no couch pillows, no pillows at all….just random stuffing…I felt a weight lift out of my chest, my Mochies is ok….but, my heart is broken…I find in a moment I am just overwhelmed with sadness out of now where, tears welling up in my eyes… and then 5 minutes later I am find. Sprinkle is awesome and sweet and loving, but not the same. The poor thing is a bit confused. We want to get another dog, but I’m not sure when. Part of me wants to go this weekend and get one …….there’s a cute 3 year old boy Doxie at the tri-county humane society…..

Castaway

I took this picture about 5 1/2 years ago onboard the Disney Magic. It’s such a beautiful ship. I took this around dusk. Amazingly, Andrew and I were the only people around on the top deck. That’s the thing I love about cruising on Disney….there are a lot of people on the ship, lets be honest about that, but you never feel overcrowded. I’ve been on one other cruise line. Granted, that 3 day cruise was a party cruise from Miami to the Bahamas and back. But I still felt like a sardine squeezed into the ship. It was not as good of an experince. I’ve been on the Disney cruise with the kids and without the kids. It would take a lot for me to cruise on any other cruise line again. It’s worth the extra money to me! From the second I get on the ship, to the second the bags are put back in my car , I am having a “magical” time.

Lightning

There’s not much to say….I was standing just outside my front door trying to capture some lightning…needless to say, just after this shot, I was safely tucked inside my house (…under the blankets and snuggled with the dogs….)

The Met Life Blimp

I was driving to work one morning, and passed the local community airport. I looked to my left and saw a life sized Snoopy….how could I NOT stop and take a picture??

Line Up!

Last spring, we went on an impromtu overnight trip to Kissimmee with a bunch of friends. There were about 15 of us all cramped into a 3 bedroom condo. We had a lot of fun….the kids all played together and the adults invented a new game, Drunk Uno (don’t judge, it’s alot of fun!). The next day we all got up and headed over to the Fun Spot in Old Town before heading back home. Everyone was exhausted. By this point in the day, the kids were all a bit tired, and getting on each others nerves I suspect. They were all waiting for a ride, and just happened to line up against the fence in height order. When I saw this I ran over so quickly and quietly so as not to disturb the kids. I don’t think anyone else realized how they looked. After we got home and I saw the picture, I fell in love with it. It’s one of my all time favorite pictures.

Atlantis

We spent the day at Atlantis during a cruise. I took this from the aquarium below the lagoon. When you look up through the glass, you see the hotel…I thought this looked so cool with the water, I had to take the picture….

Daddy’s Girl

Olivia was the flower girl in my cousins wedding. She was just over 3 at the time. She wouldn’t get out of Nate’s arms….she was in line with the bride, the bridal party, just waiting….but insisting on staying in his arms….that was until they started playing the music and snapping photos….She wasn’t ready to walk down the aisle by herself, she still needed her daddy….

My Olivia

My Olivia….what to say what to say….she has brought me more joy….and more craziness, in her 6 years than I ever thought possible! She has surprised me every day since the day she was born…I assumed she would have brown hair and brown eyes like her brother. So when she was born with that red hair and big blue eyes, I was surprised to say the least. She’s always up to something….she brings such joy to everything that she does…..without meaning it, she commands the attention in the room just by being in it. I’m not quite sure how she does it….She tries so hard to keep up with the “big kids” around her, and she usually does a great job of it (unless it’s after 9pm!! Then she’s usually asleep). Every day she amazes me….just by being herself….I’m so excited to sit back, buckle in, and see what Olivia will bring to the world!!

My Andrew

So….this is my baby boy….He had his soaring on ceremony about 2 weeks ago, and now he’s officially a middle schooler….eeekk!! How did that happen??? I love this picture…his best pictures are the ones that he doesn’t know I’m taking. He picked out the fedora and tie and insisted on wearing them. He also won a lot of awards at the ceremony, in addition to the Superhawk award (only 4 were given in his class). I am so proud of him….I can’t descibe it. He was so interverted when he was younger….to watch him come into his own has been the most amazing experience of my life. I see him now and joke around with him and I can see the man that he will be. It’s a scary thought; that is will be here so soon, but it’s also a proud one. Over the past weeks (since his ceremony), I’ve had a few random parents (that I don’t really know) stop me at school or at summer camp, to tell me what a wonderful young man ( yes, man!) my son is, and how proud we must be. One mother even told me “…he’s going places. We’ll be able to say we knew him when…”.
I see the way he thinks and the choices he makes, all on his won, and I can not believe that I am lucky enough to call him my son.

Each time I think I have this parenting thing under control, a whole new level of emotion pops its head up…..